** The majority of parents,
using their leadership communication-skills, train
their children to deceive them evidenced by the fact that most
teens con each other into deceiving both sets of parents so as to
have sex. Parents learn this way of communicating, of
interacting, by mirroring their teachers (Education Majors) who
themselves learned to relate this way in the nation's university/college
Speech-Communication Departments. Colleges do not offer a
communication mastery curriculum.
A withhold is any thought withheld for a
significant reason from a significant person.
A withhold serves as a barrier to the experience of
communication, of joyous love. All
couples (yes both partners) consciously withheld one or more significant (possible
deal-breaking) thoughts from each other on their first date. There
are no exceptions to this
phenomenon. i.e. Withholders always attract
. Withholders, those addicted to deceiving others
(specifically their parents),**
automatically, non-verbally, grant each other permission to
withhold his/her thoughts of choice. Any
out-integrity in a relationship dooms
your partner to a life with little or no joy—consciously
choosing to withhold a thought is referred to as premeditated
"significant" Three tests to determine if a thought
is a significant withhold
the thought reoccurs.2
. If your mind argues
with your God-self about whether to share it or not.
. If you know or
suspect another would get upset if you shared the thought
them. The word "verbally" reminds us that all withholds
are being communicated non-verbally
. Your partner knows
something's missing, i.e. "I'm not experiencing the experience
of love very often."
It's understood that anyone the
mind chooses to withhold a thought from is a significant person.
— Perhaps, on your very first
date with your partner you withheld from them that your family
dysfunctional, or the biggie, that you had previously been in a physically abusive
relationship. You withheld some thought you suspected would
be a deal-breaker if he/she knew. What happened was you chose to
deceive them; verbal and
non-verbally delivered withholds have the exact same effect.
What also happened was, unbeknownst to you, you automatically,
unconsciously, non-verbally, granted them permission to withhold
their thoughts of choice from you. In other words, you began the
deceit between you. They intuitively knew that they had found in
you someone who would not require open and honest communication,
someone who would allow significant* withholds.
— No doubt you participated in some damaging gossip/badmouthing
about another and never told the person to their face.
Most likely you conned a high school date into deceiving both
sets a parents so as to have sex, and you've yet to acknowledge
the deceit to all concerned.
withholds could be specific experiences that you stuffed, such
as what it was like to be on the receiving end of someone's
— A withhold can be a long overdue expression of
appreciation, respect or love, or, a resentment or a thought of
disrespect or an unacknowledged perpetration. Sometimes you
must gently grab the person's head and look at him/her
directly in the eyes and say, "I want
you to know I appreciate you?" —such is our resistance to
acknowledging and being acknowledged. Typically, a person
will reply, "Ah, that's OK, don't mention it." In which
case, you reply, "Yes, I am mentioning it. Please tell me
you get it!" Many, after the death of loved one,
regrete not having acknowledged many things. (read:
The Completion Process—it's about having significant
communications with a person who is dying.
If someone is afraid to tell
you a truth then you have not created a
safe space for the truth to be told. You have in fact
unconsciously created fear in your relationship. We use fear to
control others, mostly to keep them around. In most all cases of
infidelity the "victim" blames their partner rather than
accept responsibility for having driven them into the arms
of another, for not being a safe space for them to share
certain thoughts. During coaching all "victims" acknowledge
that it was their intention (albeit an unconscious one) to
be deceived; that using their leadership-communication
skills they set it up to be deceived.