Communication Tips

If upset comes up, say these words, "I'm experiencing upset. The upset is similar to one time when my _____ (insert mother, father, sibling, teacher, friend, etc.) said, ______ (relate the conversation)."  That's the incomplete that serves as a barrier to the experience of communication (an upset about burnt toast is seldom about the toast).

If they begin to cry, hand them a tissue and don't say a word until after they speak. No hugging or consoling words. Yours is the gift of being there.

Neither ask for nor offer advice or suggestions.

Apologies communicated from an adversarial communication model (the one we learned from our parents and teachers), guarantee the continuation of the undesirable behavior.

If another shares a perpetration, reply with, "Thank you. I got that."

If they acknowledge you for being a nice person, reply with, "Thank you." As opposed to, "Really? I've always thought you were nice also."

If they say they didn't like you, ask, "Can you tell me what that was about?"

If someone unconsciously badmouths someone not present, say. "That doesn't feel good." (ultimate integrity is, asking if they'd be willing to communicate it directly to the person, and then following up to ensure they did)