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Reunion Conversations

Definitions: Incompletes

One barrier to achieving and sustaining the experience of success, happiness, and love is the accumulation of life's unsatisfying conversations, and all the good/bad deeds, for which you have not been acknowledged; in communication coaching jargon these are called incompletes. If you are withholding one or more thoughts from your partner you are not whole, you are incomplete; they too are withholding an equal number of thoughts from you (I have not found any exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon).  In a relationship in which both partners are dragging around incompletes there can be little or no joy. An unacknowledged deceit you are carrying around dooms your partner to a life with little or no joy; it is in fact abusive to submit another to your imitation of communication.

Life's less than satisfying conversations keep generating more of the same results in similar present-day situations because there is an unacknowledged lie having to do with the first time it happened. The mind is not remembering a specific incident, a failed communication, an abusive interaction, accurately; the lie continues to have undesirable consequences.

For example: It's most likely that you shunned someone in school. Your memory of what happened might be considerably different. It's especially significant if you don't even remember doing it. In any case, it had a powerful effect. It's quite possible that the classmate has yet to recover from the experience of how you communicated with him/her. What's not so easy to see is that your unconscious abuse has had an effect on you as well, without you even being aware of it. This less-than-satisfying communication, this incident, remains as an incomplete for you and the person you shunned (abused).

Another example: When you were young a parent might have asked, "Who started the fight?" and you blamed your friend. That lie will continue to have undesirable consequences until you acknowledge it to your parent; it's stored in the back of your mind, occupying space, as an incomplete. Arrogance is still thinking you got away with it; arrogance begs to be humbled.