Teen Forum

HI NEEDS: Your friend is revealing what’s next for you in your leadership-communication skills curriculum. Go back in time, to the first day you found out she had smoked. What you communicated then sanctioned and rewarded her behavior. It’s called enabling. It was supposed to be the turning point in the relationship. How did she know, with absolute certainty, that you would continue interacting with her? How did she know that you wouldn’t have asked her, “Have you told your parents?" followed with, "I’m uncomfortable with you smoking, and, with you deceiving them, and, in you not valuing me enough to talk about it with me before trying it. Will you stop doing it as of now? If not, please call when you have not smoked for 6-months in a row.”

What she has done is tantamount to lighting up a cigar in front of the Pope. It's a powerful communication of disrespect. It reveals that you both have been withholding dozens of thoughts between you. Thoughts withheld serve as barriers to the experience of love and respect. The concept of love might be there, what's missing is the experience.

Now here’s what it’s really about for you: If you don’t get this now, you’ll be writing again, telling us your relationship partner is either smoking or cheating on you. How do we know? We know because you don’t communicate your expectations and standards up front in your relationships. A mature actualized person of integrity doesn't even have to verbalize standards/expectations, they are simply communicated non-verbally—it's an aura of integrity.

For example:

". . . by the way, before we date, I need you to know that I believe that marriage vows should contain the following agreement— “If either of us cheats on the other the other immediately files for divorce (with zero possibility of reconciliation), and, the cheater agrees they will not sue for custody, alimony, or property settlements. The same goes for smoking, drugs, and prison;  I am totally unwilling to play the drugs, cheating, prison visits, or victim games. Cheating would be my partner's way of communicating that they insist I divorce them, that they no longer want to be married to me. There will be no second chance. If this is a problem for you? Now would be the perfect time to say so. —What are your thoughts about this vow? By the way, no premarital sex." Or, ". . . my parents want to meet you to talk about how we'll handle a possible accidental pregnancy."

Because you weren’t conscious (you could not be up-front and honest about drugs) with your friend you’ll have to present your ultimatum now. My sense is that you won’t—that you’ll continue interacting with her, (mostly irresponsible non-verbal shunning) supporting her deception with her parents, so that you don’t have to experience the pain of loneliness. That is to say, you are addicted to being invalidated (it’s called abuse). To support another in deceiving (abusing) another (her parents) sets life up for others to support others in deceiving you. In this case, your non-verbal communications to her parents are powerful, they are having powerful consequences. It could be said that she has set you up to support her in recreating the experience of integrity with her parents. It could also be said that you unconsciously set her up to set you up to have a choice, to go for it or to opt for a life of mediocrity.

You need communication-skills coaching. We know this because you don’t yet know, at the level of natural knowing, that communication only takes place in space. You attempted to communicate into a position. Her position is, [I have smoked. I will smoke. Nothing you can say will cause me to stop now.] At some point in time you'll realize that you unconsciously intended her to be doing this, for you, in support of your growth, your maturity.

I suspect that you have not discussed this problem with your parents. How you handle this will determine if your daughter will be open and honest with you—zero significant thoughts withheld between you. 

The truth is you offer her no intelligent mind-expanding game to play. No alternative except for more mediocrity. She, like many, has succumbed to the futility of it all. She sees what’s happening in the world, the hypocrisy, including yours, and the hypocrisy she succumbs to when in your presence. She can’t find anyone who tells the truth, who inspires her. Smoking is a way to check out, a way to go unconscious. For some it’s a necessary (illegal but not "morally wrong") path. Most people need to hit bottom before choosing to have life work. If you get in the way, it delays their process.

FYI: I know of no one who smokes who is making a positive contribution to his/her community. Some awesome minds have addressed their community's problems.* Most activists peter out after one or two projects, many resort to marijuana. Smoking eventually takes one inside the mind, as opposed to out into the world of mastering personal relationships, organization relationships, community relationships, and societal (the world/international community relationships), each with its own communication model to master. Weed supports one in putting up with things. Don’t buy the supposed “expanded experience of love” benefits of smoking grass. The “love” that is experienced is at the expense of the support of others. A smoker consistently "forgets" to call his/her friends frequently to see what they are up to, what their goals are, and what tasks they would put off except for their mutual support—therefore it is not an expandable mutually satisfying love. The vast majority of smokers are estranged from their parents. That is to say, they do not have a mutually satisfying supportive relationship with their parents; to this day they have dozens of withholds, deceits, and unacknowledged perpetrations with them. Although smoking may cause one to have the thought to call those they have ignored/abused/deceived and clean things up,** they are still missing the communication skills to do so through to mutual satisfaction, so most don’t even try. Their mind has invented a good reason to not. Most smokers are unconsciously committed to having their parents fail and to not feel proud and accomplished. Few smokers can communicate as openly and freely with their drug-free parents as they can and do with fellow smokers.

Yours is a valuable letter for others to read, thank you, Kerry

* Confucius died a failure, his philosophy was only accepted after he died.

** One of the 12-steps for AA members is to call and make amends with those they've abused while drinking. Most adults will tell you they have never received a call any from any one of the millions and millions of people who regularly attend Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings. An AA member's mind is so out-integrity, so clouded with incompletes, that they simply can't recall (without coaching or a clearing process) life's unacknowledged perpetrations.

PS: A tip about "accidental" pregnancies.

Last edited 4/28/18

Hi Old-Fashioned: I get your confusion. In the enlightenment game "knowing" is on the other side of the coin. Keep asking/flipping. It's so great that you wrote; most teens don't ask and so they hang out in confusion for years.

It appears that how you have been raised is not serving you now, at least not in terms of happiness or your ability to fit in or adjust to a modern world, or to be comfortable.*

In my opinion it was both irresponsible and unethical of your parents to raise you to be "good and proper" and then submit you to the mores of a public high school. Although they meant well, in truth they trained you to be condescending, self-righteous, and judgmental.

I get your uncomfortableness but it's not about the "rules." When you share with the person you are uncomfortable with that you are uncomfortable (when you tell the truth the moment you are experiencing it) it (the uncomfortableness) will disappear. In other words, you haven't gotten to the truth of your uncomfortableness, of what it's really about—most likely it's fear.

Re: "It used to be that guys pursued the girls." Not so. That's another of life's many illusions.  Boys and girls have always been equal aggressors; it's impossible for it to be otherwise.  Girls have always aggressed. They use intelligence (good grades/school activities), coyness, short skirts, make-up, bra-less/cleavages, and giggling (with non-verbal suggestions of possibilities) to attract and seduce; some have perfected innocence and helplessness so as to attract a condescending, enabling, control freak. i.e. "Here, let me help you with that."  "Here, let me pay for your movie [The implied communication being, you probably wouldn't go out with me if I had asked, "Dutch Treat, OK?"] And, because you didn't invite me out, I don't have any reality that you like me enough to even pay your own way—you probably don't even have a job.]

Most married women will tell you that they pursued their husband; some are conscious enough to acknowledge that they introduced themselves, others consciously set it up for him to introduce himself. It's all done via intention.

One of the disadvantages of waiting to be asked is that you only get to choose from the ones that ask you instead of from the world's population; operating daily from this decision (decision: an old French word meaning "to kill/murder the alternative"), waiting to be asked, shows on your face. It costs you your aliveness, your radiance.

Most importantly, when you manipulate a boy to submit himself to possible ridicule and failure, by making him walk across the gym floor to ask you to dance, it has enormous undesirable consequences for you (and him) later in life, especially when it comes to promotions, financial parity, and an equitable divorce. Now is the time to live from equality.

There's another even greater disadvantage to playing the "Come-'n-get-me game," or the, "You aren't worth me asking you out game," —it's that you can't completely experience anything you aren't willing to have created. Your ground of being is to react rather than act; this isn't bad, it's just that it seldom produces daily happiness.

It could be that you are unconsciously blaming your parents (making them wrong) for not teaching you the social skills that produce happiness. I suspect your old-fashioned raising communicates non-verbally your position about sex.

Boys who aren't in open and honest communication with their parents spend an giga-enormous amount of time plotting and searching for girls who will support them in deceiving their parents by having sex behind the backs of both sets of parents. In other words, he will not tell his parents that he's having thoughts about seducing an equally deceitful girl into deceiving her parents. Are you ready or even willing to play this game?

During the process of thinking about asking someone out is when to confront your considerations. When you first begin dating you're supposed to share your thoughts (referred to as considerations), especially your fears, with your family and friends. After you've acknowledged (verbally communicated) your considerations, to yourself and at least one other person, preferably a parent, you then walk up and ask. Ask cleanly, clearly, and from the point of view that it's perfectly OK that they say no (or else they might say yes so as to not hurt your feelings, and not from choice, in which case you become a mercy-date). After your first asking-success you will have compassion thereafter when responding to anyone who asks you out. Until you ask first you won't be able to completely experience, honor, and appreciate what a boy must go through to ask you first.  In communication jargon, you will not be able to recreate his communication, his experience.

Let's look at it from another point of view. Why would any boy ask you out? You operate from what's referred to as the adversarial communication model. You are non-verbally and psychically broadcasting warning signals of what to expect in a relationship with you. You view dating as a struggle between good and evil, "aggressors" (those who ask) and those who wait passively to be asked out. In your case, if someone did ask you out, you would have won the skirmish, with an unconscious intention for more battles. It would reinforce your self-righteous position, that "old-fashioned" is good and right. This is a holier-than-thou adversarial communication that you communicate non-verbally to everyone.

Your communication model is not what you want/expect in a boy. You want a boy who is open and honest, one who communicates truthfully and spontaneously. Now is the time to learn and practice how to tell the truth in the moment. If you hide feelings and thoughts now during dating, and later when looking for a husband, you'll do the same in your marriage when spontaneity really counts. People, like yourself, who hide their thoughts (withholders) always attract those who do likewise. Now is the time to identify where the fear came from and to disappear it. The source of the fear is a specific childhood interaction (person, date, time, location) from which you made an unconscious decision. It's imperative that you locate (recall/remember) this incident else it will run you for life; it's referred to as an incomplete.

Re: "They are so used to being chased that they think that if a girl doesn't do it [initiate the introduction], she's not interested." And that's the truth.  You're more interested in being right, that boys won't ask you out, than in having dates. I'm interested in having a Range Rover but I intended to have a Scion xB.  An intention is an interest/want acted upon and manifested. It's obvious that you haven't run into anyone who inspires you to action. **

The boys who aren't asking you out are communicating something of value to you non-verbally through the absence of invitations.*** Specifically, it hasn't been time for you to be dating. Now's the time to be focusing primarily on your studies. Continue reaching out and asking questions such as you have. That's how you'll develop the communication skills that will attract your ideal partner.  It's OK to pursue boys for friends. BTW: It doesn't appear that you have developed a close female friend, one with whom you can talk about these things.

The communication skills it takes to create magnificent high school relationships are the exact some ones that produce magnificent marriages.

BTW: A daughter who has yet to learn how to communicate openly and honestly with her father (to include affectionate hugging) always blames the father and seduces a boy for sex in hopes of experiencing the intimacy that's missing. Such girls are ripe for an accidental pregnancy.  Because of the deceit perpetrated against both sets of parents in such relationships there can be no experience of true intercourse.

Bottom line: You're doing great, you're right on track. You're en route to mastering communication. You don't have to stop doing or start doing anything. Simply by reading this reply you'll find yourself producing different results. I'd be proud to have you as a daughter. —Gabby

* I'm betting your parents have been hiding their outrageous teen perpetrations from you.  It's called deceit. Be it sex, thefts, deceits, lies, or drugs, all parents have their own past. Unfortunately most hide their perpetrations from their child and espouse — "Do as I say . . ."

For example: Ask your parents if they had sex before marriage, and if so did they have upfront-support of both sets of parents, or did they sneak behind their backs? Did your father con your mother into having sex knowing it disrespected her parents?  Did your mother con your father into having sex behind the backs of his parents? Hypocrisy between parents and children breeds confusion and disrespect. The karma of conning a partner into deceiving his/her parents (and never verbally acknowledging the deceit to oneself /parents) no doubt has something to do with the nation's 50% divorce rate. A union founded on deceit is doomed to fail.
 
**  When choosing a college keep in mind the various types of men each attract; architecture, religious, art, sports, law, etc., —in other words, it's possible that the conversations of typical immature high school boys simply don't move/inspire you.

***  It could be said that the boys who have been ignoring you have been unconsciously attempting to reverse the trend of generations of males conning females into dates and marriage in support of equality later in life.  It's not hard to see that the way young men and women have been communicating with each other keeps producing the same results in business, education, politics, with 50% ending in a divorce.

PS: You'll always be the leader in all relationships—for life. Sometimes the way leaders lead is by surrendering from time to time—some surrender consciously, others do it unconsciously. Many women control a date by surrendering at first so as to hook him; later, when they've landed him, they try to effect a healthy balance of control ling and surrendering and find that their addiction to abusing and being abused has attracted a control freak.

PPS: Keep in mind that your #10 is busy studying, probably working part-time, and has dozens of house chores that keep him out of the usual social cliques. Stay on purpose with your studies and you'll both find each other naturally without effort.

PPPS: Here's some Communication Tips for Teens.

Last edited 4/30/18

Hi Mom: You have several problems that you have not addressed in your letter.

• There's a flaw in your character which you have passed on to your daughter.
• There's a flaw in Justin’s character.
• There's a serious communication breakdown between Justin and his parents.*
• There's a subject you were taught and have yet to put into practice.
• You have been unconscious of the karma, the consequences, of deceit.

Not to worry, these kinds of problems are desirable and required in order to guide a child through to maturity. As you imply, "good" is better than drugs or gangs. With these problems everyone learns something and therefore wins. Still, to ensure that you're not in-denial—your daughter sneaking behind your back—Justin disobeying his parents—your daughter supporting another in deceitfully disobeying his parents—all bring to mind other adjectives. Yes?

First let's talk about your behavior. You have unconsciously trained your daughter to attract and reward a deceitful partner. You have unwittingly, unconsciously, sabotaged another child’s parents. You have trained your daughter to enroll you in deceiving his parents. As the leader you have created a conspiracy.

It's even worse; you have trained her to unconsciously support him negatively, thereby affecting his karma by adding the consequences of deceit and lies. One's support affects others either positively or negatively. This negative support (called covert sabotage) affects his grades, his health, his very aliveness. It's not exactly a gift of love. She has supported him in opting for the consequences of deceit all the while sincerely believing she has had his best interests at heart. In short, you have been unconscious. It's time for you to wake up so as to wake her up before you both do more damage.

Your daughter has seduced a boy into deceiving his parents for carnal pleasure. No matter what you or the teens think, what they are experiencing is not love. There can be no sustainable experience of love when the foundation of the relationship is based upon lies and deceit. What they are experiencing (commonly referred to as sex) cannot produce the joy and ecstasy that comes from true intercourse. Why? For one, Justin can't acknowledge his parents for their enormous gift of life and love. He even has to suppress his embarrassing after-sex glow in front of them. Because of the deceit the energy from the love that such a bond usually generates can't be fully shared back into each family. These teens can't reap the benefits that comes from having open, honest, and spontaneous communication with both sets of parents and of both families with each other, knowing they are solely responsible for the wonderful relationships they created and support.

Justin’s deceit of his parents reveals a character flaw of his that solidifies with each "success" each day he's not caught. He has a serious communication problem. He has not been taught to communicate openly and honestly with his parents. He will continue this pattern with his spouse and it will carry over into all of his relationships for life. He will hide certain things from everyone. He has no control over his lying. His deceit is a setup. He was testing you, hoping that you were as great as he believes your daughter to be. It was no accident that they allowed themselves to be caught. That was their integrity at work, unconsciously setting you up to support them in cleaning up the mess.

Justin has another unacknowledged perpetration or withhold with his parents. Children who are whole and complete, who are in-integrity, are committed to getting their parent's communications and supporting their intentions. That Justin thwarts his parent's wants, wishes, and advice about sex reveals covert sabotage and unacknowledged non-verbalized disrespect.

Now to the biggie: Why would you unconsciously mastermind this intrigue? There is a genius lurking here somewhere. Here's a tip: We set up life to get caught for earlier similar out-integrities so as to acknowledge and complete them. Until then we have no choice but to engage in, and surround ourselves with, deceitful activities. Use what’s happening (this incident you've created) as a memory-trigger to locate your incompletes. My hunch is that you engaged in similar intrigues as a teen and have yet to be caught (acknowledged it to your parents). Arrogance is—trying to make life work without cleaning up the messes. You were told to be open and honest but have yet to commit to being so. Until you restore and maintain your integrity you can't be certain if undesirable results are a consequence of your integrity or your leadership-communication skills. All work towards communication mastery is to no avail until you've restored your integrity.

What would work is for you to share this reply with your daughter with no advice attached. Simply have her read this. She will handle the rest. And, tell her the truth, that you are not comfortable with her having sex with anyone who deceives their parents.  Their relationship and life will never work the way they say they want it to until they enroll the support of both sets of parents.

Because of their present out-integrity they are karmically ripe for an unwanted "accidental" "forgot to take the pill," "condom broke," pregnancy. Out-integrities sap one's awareness. I'm betting your daughter is silently condoning other perpetrations of Justin's; you and your daughter are unwitting co-conspirators and enablers of his other capers.

Way before this event you were supposed to have sat down with your daughter and covered everything about sex, to include when and where. If you had had an open and honest relationship with her you would have known that she was considering having sex for the first time. It's you who determines if it's an exciting joyous event shared with all or if it's done sneakily with guilt.

Another effect: Both of them have been trying to study, to comprehend complex subject matter in school, to receive communications from teachers; it's been all the more difficult because their minds have been partially clouded (occupied) with thoughts of guilt which serve as barriers to being (totally-completely) here now at any moment in time. All this because your integrity has been so out that you couldn't see (experience) the out-integrity on your daughter's face. When a parent and child are in communication with each other a thought withheld becomes as a grain of sand in the eye. It begs discussion; unless of course one has so many out-integrities, so many withholds, so many resentments, so many non-verbalized unacknowledged perpetrations that one's integrity (conscience) is so far below the surface that one more deceit is not experienced (thought about yes, but not experienced). We're talking about your integrity here. She has had no choice but to mirror your integrity, just as Justin mirrors the out-integrity of his parents,

Here's one scenario in an open and honest relationship: Your daughter would have shared that the petting was getting heavier and that she found herself thinking of having sex with him. She might have told him, "Not tonight, I promised my mom I'd talk it over with her first, and, that together you and I would sit and talk with her before our first time." Then as she talked about it with you you might have asked, "How do his parents feel about this?" "H'm, is he going to tell his parents?" If no, "How do you feel about that?" Then, no matter the answer, you would have insisted upon having Justin and his folks over for tea.  With the parents and teens present you would get clear about things, especially who pays for what—for life—if they "accidentally" have a baby. You would say to your daughter, in front of Justin and his parents, "If you cause Justin to impregnate you so that you have to postpone your college plans you will have to move out—and, pay for your own college. I don't want to play the finance-your-irresponsible-sex-game." This is said so that Justin and his parents are fully aware of the consequences his actions will have on another's life if he "accidentally" impregnates her.

One last thing: This problem reveals that you have not been in communication with your daughter; it's referred to as a breakdown in communication. It causes me to wonder what other thoughts you both have been hiding from each other. A teen who withholds certain things from his/her parents will not be open and honest with his/her spouse. That is to say, what a person gets caught for is not what they really want/need to get caught for (for more about the cause of recidivism read the Community Support Group Project).

If the teens are willing to come clean you could create space for the communication with his parents to take place by hosting a dinner. You and your daughter could serve as facilitators while Justin cleans up his relationship with his parents.

Thank you for the great letter, it will be of value to many.

With aloha and appreciation, Gabby

* You would not advise your daughter to marry someone who refused to come clean with his parents.

Hi Anon: You ask what's wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you providing you are willing and able to follow these instructions. If you read the following and dismiss it, or simply can't bring yourself to follow these instructions, then you'll reveal that you need a coaching consultation or a minimum of 25-hours of counseling or therapy.

Note: Just in case you can't bring yourself to read this entire reply, I'll insert here, upfront, that although abuse (verbal, non-verbal, physical or psychic) affects another's aliveness and self-image, each and every instance of abuse can be undone (completed) via an acknowledgment—soonest possible after the abuse. i.e. "I get that my yelling earlier today didn't feel good—and that it was abusive." PERIOD—NOTHING ELSE!  Notice that an acknowledgment is not an apology, it does not include excuses, reasons, a justification or an explanation—or as with most apologies—there is definitely no promise to not do it again.

If you don't follow these instructions and don't do therapy then your treatment of your daughter will continue to inflict even more damage on everyone—your daughter, your husband and sons, and yourself—only from now on it will be premeditated. You won't be able to tell anyone, perhaps through jail bars, that you didn't know. And yes, the damage to everyone has been that bad. These are the seeds that beget teen pregnancies, Columbines and ISIS enlistments. However, you can clean it all up with a series of sit-down conversations with everyone beginning with your daughter (Read the word-for-word Process below to effect a transformation for everyone).

Let's assume that you don't need therapy but that you, like the vast majority of parents, think that what's taught in schools about communication is what it is.  What's happening between you and your daughter is not your fault.  High school teachers and university Instructors don't teach students how to communicate, they mainly introduce students to the fundamentals and principles of communication.

You are experiencing a breakdown in communication, one that causes you to attempt to deliver the same communications over and over but non-verbally and psychically. You've been repeating some very uncomfortable communications non-verbally all these years because no one in your life has been able to get you, to acknowledge you for the effects of your non-verbal communications and thoughts. This means that both you and your husband, and both sets of parents, have been unconscious. That is to say, you and your entire family have become stuck talking; you've been emulating your parents and your high school teachers.* Talking causes unwanted problems to persist whereas with communication, problems are resolved and, most importantly, everyone feels good upon completion.

The source of your problem with your daughter is your relationship with your parents. Lots of "yours," yes? A conscious man would not have married you until you had either cleaned up your relationship with your parents, or had estranged yourself from them—until they each had completed 25-hours of counseling/therapy. Unfortunately your husband has been unconsciously empowering you in abusing your daughter; he too is reaping the karma of abuse. In other words, you have been non-verbally communicating to him and your sons, "Please help me, I don't want to treat her this way, I just don't know how to stop." But, because they too have been unconscious, they couldn't see it or they themselves didn't know how (or have been afraid) to get into communication with you.

No matter how healthy and well-adjusted your sons may appear to be you've been modeling for them how to abuse another by withholding thoughts, how to torture and damage another without leaving physical marks, and how to stand by and watch (actually it's intend) another being abused so as to not receive the same treatment (it's referred to as the "good German" phenomena).  I assure you, at some level it bothers them to watch you treat her as you have been; they feel guilty and ashamed. It bothers them so much that it gets in the way of their potential, especially subject-matter communications between them and their teachers.  They intuitively know they should say something or speak up in defense of their sister, but they've compromised their integrity, thus it has been their intention, however unconscious, for you to continue treating her abusively. In other words, you've enrolled them in empowering you in abusing their sister. They have already learned from watching you that it's not only acceptable but that it's how one should treat girls. They will do everything in their power to emulate you so as to please you their leader. Also, they too have been withholding thoughts from you and everyone in the family.

What's worse is that you have enrolled your husband in supporting you in abusing another; he gets an imitation of intimacy and harmony with you but at the expense of another's happiness and well-being.  I say imitation because whatever you may be calling intimacy is not real—because there has been abuse in the space. Given that it's been your leadership-communication skills that have been supporting the others in your abuse of her it can't be having good karma for you or anyone. 

Another motivation to follow these instructions is that eventually the karma will start to manifest itself physically with behavior/health issues—for you and each of them.

Re: "I am not physically abusive to her—I would never do that." — this implies that you believe mental abuse is less damaging. Did you know that one or more of your high school classmates have mentioned you/your name/your group/clique during counseling/therapy because their communications with you did not feel good? A bruise can heal but the emotional effects of verbal abuse lasts, for most, a lifetime. Why? Because few know how to complete an experience of abuse through verbal communication. With most people the abuse gets "talked about," "forgiven," "explained, "understood," and "apologized for," but then the incident reappears as ammunition in future arguments or during a divorce.

Re: "She just makes me so mad." This reveals your addiction to blaming. A conscious person would have caught the lie as they wrote that sentence—that she's the source of your anger—and, would have edited the sentence and written, "I find myself blaming her for my anger." Or, "Using my sophisticated leadership-communication skills I've trained her to thwart me and then I get upset and blame her."

To your credit your integrity is such that the problem bothered you enough to request support; most parents don't reach out.

Your problem will disappear once you verbally share with her all the thoughts about her that have been floating around in your mind all these years. I know this sounds strange but your "polite act" is wreaking havoc on the entire family. You need to "verbally" communicate to her (responsibly) what you've been delivering non-verbally. Click Parent Child Clearing Process for a free communication process that will restore everyone's integrity; it's written specifically for you and your daughter. Later you can do the same process with your other family members.

Also, here's four free communication processes in support of communication mastery (specifically restoring and maintaining one's integrity) —The Clearing House.

Addendum: Imagine what it's like for a child whose parents simply don't like or admire them—a child who is a living disappointment? What must it be like for a child to experience dutiful toleration and no love—words of love and presents, yes, but no communications of warm hugging love? Such a relationship can be completely "fixed" via communication.

Note: The vast majority of teens eventually stop hugging their parents closely because of withholds, incompletes (unresolved blaming upsets), embarrassments, or fears of sexual thoughts/arousal (A-frame hugs)—such thoughts can be disappeared via a single communication.

* Education majors throughout the nation's universities and colleges are only introduced to the principles and fundamentals of communication, they are not taught how to cause all students to turn in their homework on time and neatly. Virtually no teachers have undergone Leadership Training (courses, workshops, seminars, yes, Training, no.  25% of the nation's college freshman are required to take remedial comprehension and composition courses because their teachers failed to communicate the subject matter.

Here's the free clearing Process for you and your daughter.

Last edited 2/26/18

I'm a 13-year-old boy, and I have a 5-year-old sister. Our parents are together, but Dad's job was relocated to another state and he's gone most of the week. When he gets home, all he and Mom do is fight.

The fighting puts a lot of stress on me. My sister asks me, "Why are Mommy and Daddy always fighting?" This makes me want to break into tears because I don't know what to tell her. Please help me understand what to do in these situations. —WORRIED BIG BROTHER