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More Effective Communicators--men or women?
April 20, 2012, 01:49:53 PM by Kerry
More Effective Communicators--men or women?
Who's responsible for infidelities, domestic violence, persistent inappropriate workplace advances, and the lack of wage parity between men and women? What must a parent do (the specific verbal/non-verbal communications) to drive their once precious child to commit suicide, or to become homeless, or to join a terrorist group? If your knee-jerk response is that men are more powerful then you have a misunderstanding about responsibility; specifically, your definition is missing the word "cause." Given that over the decades children have spent most of their waking hours with females (as mothers and school teachers) it's tempting to draw the conclusion that women have the greatest influence over children. Why then we ask do most women still make less money than men for similar work? Who teaches girls to sell out, to compromise their integrity? Who trains young boys to eventually treat women unfairly with such disrespect? Who teaches girls to put up with condescending abuse? Who trains women to be so naive, so unconscious as to not be able to tell when their partner is lying, cheating or withholding a significant thought? Who trains women to not be able to discern, within a few conversations, whether a man operates from integrity or if he is dragging around a lifetime of perpetrations for which he has yet to be acknowledged (caught)? Could it be that men have the greater impact even though they spend less time with children? If this were true it would mean that a father's communications (especially non-verbal and psychic) are more effective than a mother's.* This conflicts with my 44+ years as a leadership-relationship communication-skills coach; what I've noticed is that everyone has the exact same amount of leadership-support skills, no more, no less. Some use their skills positively, to inspire, forward, and motivate, while some use their support skills negatively to thwart and take others down with them (yes, support can be either positive or negative); still others use their skills to effect and sustain mediocrity, as in null, or appearing to do nothing (such as a couch potato), which is in fact a powerful (thwarting) something).** They vote non-verbally to keep teachers begging for satisfactory wages as an irresponsible way of communicating their dissatisfactions with their educations. I.e. If you didn't let me con you I'd be making more money. All three support skills are equally powerful; all confirm Newton's Third Law of Motion, "For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction." With communication, inaction/silence has an effect. For example: Couch potatoes run their communities; they are extremely effective in thwarting their council members, those they pay to keep things running smoothly and fairly. The way to tell to what end you have been using your support skills is to look at the results those around you are producing. I.e. If your partner has turned into an overweight couch potato who seldom helps with housework then you have trained and rewarded him/her. If your partner's weight is unhealthy, then, no matter what you believe, that has been your intention. With both of these examples, we see that the partner's leadership-communication support skills don't inspire one to opt for health. Also, we see that one partner, using his/her equally powerful support skills, is unconsciously committed to thwarting the other so as to ensure their failure and the failure of his and her parents (parents measure success by whether they raised healthy, well adjusted, children with positive support-skills). Most partners have unconsciously, non-verbally, conspired to support each other in hovering around in mediocrity.*** So we ask, if men and women are equally powerful and equally responsible for the communication breakdowns that lead say, to infidelity or low wages for teachers, what then is the source of this obvious condescending inequality both at home and the workplace? It appears that this seldom-mentioned conspiracy between men and women is an unconscious mutually agreed upon contract, a non-verbal pact. The implied agreement goes something like this: Girls/Women, your role is to let men think they are in charge, continue to act ignorant, don't develop your mechanical repair skills, your muscles, your self-defense, fire-arms/judo/boxing/wrestling skills, don't insist upon fidelity and, pretend you don't know when your husband is cheating on you. And, as teachers, keep ensuring that your students are not clear about responsibility. Most importantly, during high school, plan on marrying an up-and-coming young man so that you don't have to study for a career (the ultimate reward for not applying oneself during high school). Boys/Men, pay for dates, continue to support women in being financially dependent upon you even though they say they want equal wages. Most importantly, do whatever it takes to ensure no one implements Leadership Communication Training for our health-care and education majors or your rule will come to an end. I'm unaware of any university or college that offers such training (courses, workshops, seminars, study groups, yes. Leadership Training, no. --Kerry This non-verbal contract makes much more sense; it validates that we all have been communicating consistent with our intentions (however unconscious they may have been). Just because one isn't clear about, or is unaware of, his/her intentions don't make the results any-the-less theirs. Kerry * To think that women are more influential ignores the effects of non-verbally delivered unconscious intentions; that is to say, both sets of parents, and both sets of grandparents, are intending all-day-long regardless of proximity (read about, The Intention Experiment). ** Here's a thought exercise about the effects of doing "nothing:" The way to ensure that 25% of all college freshmen continue to require remedial composition and comprehension classes, that school principals hand out diplomas to students who have not learned what was supposed to have been taught K-12, is for you to continue communicating as you have been and to now choose to ignore this invitation to restore your integrity by doing The [free] Clearing Process. *** All divorces began when both partners, on their first date, withheld a possible deal-breaking significant thought thereby unconsciously, non-verbally, simultaneously, giving each other permission to deceive, to withhold his/her thought of choice from the other. Those addicted to withholding thoughts automatically attract withholders (With 44+ years of coaching couples I have not found any exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon). Last edited 2/25/24
Hawaii's legislators agree to no phone solicitations
April 12, 2012, 01:47:22 AM by Kerry
A news report I'd like to read:
Hawaii's legislators agree to no phone solicitations Hawaii's legislators unanimously agreed to discontinue the practice of telephoning citizens (those they don't know personally) for campaign purposes, this includes surveys, polls, researches and invitations to meetings. No more phone banks, auto-dialing, etc. Quotes a spokesperson, "Over the decades it's been communicated, by the overwhelming number of immediate hangups, that the vast majority of residents are irritated when they receive a phone call from a legislator/candidate. We have arrogantly ignored our citizen's feedback and their right to privacy and freedom from interruption by someone's political agenda. We've made our agendas more important; we've justified that it's OK to interrupt a homeowner in the middle of his/her daily routines. It's time we acknowledge that communicating in a way that detracts from another's aliveness and well-being is in fact abusive. Included in the agreement is to not hire surveyors/poll/opinion takers." Everyone agreed that a politician may talk to a friend and ask him/her to enroll just one other friend, and ask that person to call someone they know, etc. etc. In this way residents will only receive calls from people they know, friends who also may ask, "Please don't call me about political stuff anymore." "We intend to campaign to have legislators, candidates, poll takers and surveyors added to the National Do Not Call list."
New tax base criteria
November 19, 2011, 01:56:28 AM by Kerry
Perhaps politicians should consider the following discretionary income variables when deciding our state and federal tax base (how much each person should pay)?
While there are dozens of other such variables these six address our addictions, our vanity, and gluttony. Mo betta to support health and compassion. Yes? Comment or add to the list.
Has Obama acknowledged campaign lies?
August 26, 2011, 02:08:27 AM by Kerry
Can someone point me to a quote/video of President Obama's in which he publicly acknowledged any of the following lies?
"I intend to close Guantanamo, and I will follow through on that." On CBS 60 Minutes, November 16, 2008.
Note: It's not that Obama lied, it's that he has suppressed his natural knowingness that there are undesirable consequences for lying (to include a lie believed to be true when spoken) and, that these consequences are compounded when the lie is not cleaned up (when the lie is not acknowledged to self, another, and in the case of a public leader, to the public). Until a perpetration has been acknowledged one can't eliminate an undesirable outcome (such as the condition of the economy) as a consequence of ones out-integrity. A lie puts one (with a president—our country) in a condition of out-integrity for which there are undesirable consequences; the condition affects ones ability to consistently manifest his/her stated intentions. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon. An unacknowledged lie, even unconscious lies such as, ". . . till death do us part . . ." or, "I'll be with you in a minute" have undesirable consequences. I've posted the above here because I know of no way to get into communication with President Obama.* Supportive communications such as these sent to the Democratic Party Chair go unacknowledged. Based upon 33+ years as a leadership-relationship communication-skills coach I predict, with considerable certainty, that things will get worse before they get better. Part of what makes this condition of out-integrity significant is that his wife, Michelle, supports his lying (much like a Mafia boss's wife, his integrity mirrors her's). * The Hawaii Dem website Contact Us form is not working. This post is a work in progress (10/3/11) —Kerry
Considerations about food
April 25, 2011, 02:44:06 AM by Kerry
Survival food:
No doubt, growing up in orphanages with farms has affected my thinking about food and survival. Whenever I drive past a beautifully mowed lawn with flowers and expensive shrubbery and nary one edible I can't help but wonder where these responsible citizens will be getting their food if/when the economy fails. What must these ornamental-shrubbery-loving neighbors be thinking? "H'm, I should grow some edibles just in case. Nah. If something bad happens I'll just start growing veggies ‘n fruits.” or worse, "I'll just forage other's crops.”* What most homeowners don't realize is that when starting from near-scratch (on a typical ¼ acre lot) it takes several months to grow enough food (not to mention edible animals) to sustain just two people. Few think to keep viable vegetable seeds in the refrigerator. Fewer still realize that once people are forced to start their own "Survival Food Garden” all the tools, seeds, fishing tackle, fertilizer, and farm animals will be bought up; perhaps the last gasoline wasted on an unproductive shopping/foraging trip. It's pretty easy to envision what will happen throughout the mainland’s cities and suburbs when transportation and communication breaks down; what's uncomfortable to acknowledge is that the same will happen here in the islands. Foragers will make the rounds of those who have gardens. They will ostensibly ask for handouts but in truth one knows that the “asking” question will contain subtle mixed messages including pathetic begging and an implied make-wrong if they don't get food. The chances of upset and name-calling are likely. You the reader now have the opportunity to start preparing else you most likely will be pathetically begging/stealing however, you'll no longer be able to say you didn't know or that no one told you. Question #1 In the event of an economic collapse with thousands of foragers and many thieves, will a homeowner have the right to post a sign, “Trespassers will be shot. No questions asked?” Your answer most likely depends upon whether you are prepared. The word “right” is moot because few public servants or leaders have sustainable home gardens—no official vote will be required; we know they know and understand. Question #2 Mothers and wives, in the event of an economic collapse, do you think you'll send your spouse or child out to forage (steal) so that your family can survive at the expense of another(s)? Your answer now might determine the outcome. If you know you would never steal then perhaps your karma is such that you'll have no need to steal. On the other hand, if your ethics are such that you know you would steal, then you must be totally willing to not have anyone return from foraging or, have them return with food but silent, knowing something terrible happened to another’s family. * The premise—if today one reserves the option to steal in the future then that premeditated option has a karmic effect on today's outcomes and the future's outcomes. Put another way, if your relationships and prosperity are not working well, we can't dismiss the possibility that it has something to do with your philosophy, your integrity, your premeditated options. Karma played forward? (read The Water Pump Story). Kerry FYI: Approximately 10% of Hawaii residents have registered guns. It's unknown how many have unregistered guns, however, there's an estimated one million guns in Hawaii. Hawaii has the lowest gun death rate in the country.
Sandra, Elen, Jenny: cheating and responsibility
November 05, 2010, 02:32:18 PM by Kerry
Sandra, Elen, Jenny: cheating and responsibility
The tabloid dramas of Sandra Bullock and Jessie James, Elen and Tiger Woods, and Jenny and Senator Mark Sanford remind us how easy it is to lapse into blame for unconscious intentions.* One thing these women have in common is that each have presented themselves un-flatteringly as, “I-didn’t-know" infidelity 'victims,' at best, unconscious cons. Yet, even in the light of many days, all willingly (some allegedly for money) supported the media in portraying their spouses as being the villains. To my knowledge none of the women have issued a correction or retraction to the effect—
It's not commonly known but few, if any, teachers nationwide have the same definition of the word responsibility—all have an understanding of what it means but few are clear; fewer still communicate responsibly.** Ask all the teachers in any school to give you the definition of the word responsibility and you’ll get as many different answers as there are teachers. Is it any wonder why parents (high school graduates) have a difficult time supporting their children in being responsible? Instead, what we see is a customer suing McDonald’s for a coffee burn, litigants suing cigarette companies for lung cancer, teachers blaming students and parents alike for poor SAT scores, and spouses blaming each other for cheating and the effects of their machinations. There is a more insidious aspect to this blaming phenomenon; it suggests a conspiracy, one so well hidden that it's rarely discussed even among the intelligentsia. It is an excellent example of a mokita—a truth everyone knows that no one talks about. Could it be that even though men spend less time with their children they (men) have the greater impact? If this were true it would mean that a father's communications are more effective and powerful than a mother's.*** This conflicts with my 44+ years of experience as a leadership-relationship communication-skills coach. What I've noticed is that everyone has the exact same amount of leadership-support skills. Some use their skills to forward and motivate, while some use their skills to thwart and take others down with them; still, others use their skills to effect and sustain mediocrity. All three skill-sets are equally powerful; all confirm Newton's Third Law of Motion— "For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction." Just as there are eloquent effective public speakers, so too are there eloquent effective pouters and thwarters—those who have mastered their non-verbal leadership communication skills such that their pouts and non-verbal communications have the exact same power as verbal eloquence. I.e. A parent who defends his/her option to hit (spank) their child will, using their leadership-communication skills, non-verbally, psychically, ensure that mental and health care professionals fail to define the definition of the word abuse. The way to tell to what end you have been using your support-skills is to look at the results those around you are producing. I.e. If your husband has turned into a couch potato who seldom does house chores without prodding or spends a lot of time on his hobby but doesn't do volunteer work for the community, then you, the wife, have trained and rewarded him. If your husband's weight is unhealthy then, no matter what you believe, that has been your intention.* With both of these examples we see that the wife's leadership-communication support-skills don't inspire one to opt for health. And, we see that the husband, using his equally powerful support-skills, is committed to thwarting his partner so as to ensure her failure and the failure of both sets of parents—to raise children with positive support-skills. The husband and wife have unconsciously conspired to support each other in hovering around in mediocrity. So we ask, if men and women are equally powerful and responsible for the communication breakdowns that lead to infidelity (and wage disparity) what then is the source of this obvious perpetual condescending inequality both at home and the workplace? Could it be that this seldom-mentioned conspiracy between men and women is an unconscious mutually agreed upon non-verbal pact? The implied agreement goes something like:
* "Unconscious intention" We are always manifesting our intentions. Often, we are unaware of an intention until we see the result we've produced using our leadership-communication skills. ** "communicate responsibly" Typically what one hears is, "Those damn legislators won't fund us." —a blaming communication, instead of, "I just don't have the leadership-communication skills to convince the public to grant our requested funds." *** To think that women are more influential ignores the effects of non-verbal and psychically delivered unconscious intentions; that is to say, both parents and both sets of grandparents, are intending all-day-long regardless of proximity. A common acknowledgment of successful people is that they were inspired by the infrequent, but impactful, interactions with a grandparent (grandparents can also unconsciously thwart the success of a grandchild). For more read: Wedding Guest Vow Sandra B sets the record straight Elen Woods acknowledges responsibility for Tiger's behavior Hillary's public acknowledgment Who gets what in a divorce The Intention Experiment Mind-expanding research/experiments having to do with intention. —by Lynne McTaggart Last edited 2/7/24[/size][/size]
VOG - I think I found a solution!
June 22, 2009, 07:14:38 AM by Sani
This is not an ad nor do I have anything to do with this company. Just thought I would share. My sister gave me this air purifying CFL product she picked up on Oahu a couple of weeks ago because of my kid's allergies. I left it in the box for a week because I thought it wouldn't work. The light bulb is treated with something that makes it clean the air. Much to my surprise it works better than I could have hoped. I couldn't believe it. My son isn't coughing and my wife's eyes are not red any more. Does anyone know where I can get some more? I called the store on Oahu and they said they are back ordered with most of the orders going to the Big Island. Am I the last to know about this??? I guess there must be something to it. Anyway, the product is Wellnesslight Kids. If ANYONE knows where I can get it on the Big Island (Kona) let me know PLEASE. I don't have a credit card or I would buy it online. I could use a light for our bedroom. Mahalo, Sani
Hawaii’s helicopter pilots—a moving dilemma
March 16, 2009, 05:31:12 AM by Kerry
Hawaii's helicopter pilots—a moving dilemma
The majority of Hawaii's helicopter pilots are former military pilots. It's a challenging transition from being a professional warrior to living as a civilian in a community committed to living from aloha. Pilots are confronted daily with the choice, to pursue a living in which each flight disturbs the serenity of their own community members, or to find a way to thrive in harmony. Military training, of living and communicating from adversary (us/them, win/lose), is difficult to transcend. The reasons for flying are logical and understandable but they conflict with each pilot's conscience, each knowing that living in harmony doesn't trigger upset nor does it require justification. Each pilot mentally cringes as they try to hummingbird hum over residential communities, feeling especially guilty when the rotor blade sounds bounce off of low clouds even more intrusively. In other words, they know it is abusive. The concept of personal space, though understood by pilots, is difficult to implement fully. They understand that one half the distance between their house and their neighbor's is their space for dog barking and TV volume. Their dilemma comes from having to choose between financial survival and respect for ones neighbors. It could be said that honoring a neighbor, a senior and a disabled vet, represents the final step in a pilot's spiritual move to Hawaii. It represents a life-changing decision, to choose to live in harmony rather than succumb to the addiction of surviving at the expense of another's peace and quite. The problem with consciously choosing to abuse ones neighbor is that when a crash takes place one can't be certain if it might be a consequence of ones integrity. Disrespectful arrogance always begs humility. Note: It is understood that some civilian pilots are in service to the community, specifically those that support the maintenance of electric transmission wires, weather and volcano monitoring and medical evacuations. Other pilots, such as tour guides* and marijuana search teams, live daily knowing others do not support their profession; they live oblivious of the power of unconscious hexes. The families of these pilots share the karma of such disrespect. * Tourists are unconscious and have no idea that they have been enrolled in disturbing the serenity of Hawaii's residents; tour pilots take advantage of their ignorance. I predict it's merely a matter of time when helicopter tour companies will pool their resources and engage the services of a 3D IMAX film production crew and create awe-inspiring videos of all the islands; it will save lives and fuel and honor Hawaii's residents. Last edited 4/7/23 Update: 6/28/19 Hi Lee: Thank you for your stimulating 6/23/19 article about Santo's salt flat problem with a helicopter tour company. Please forward the following to Kuulei and Frank Santos. With aloha, Kerry Kerrith H. (Kerry) King President, Community Communications ===================================================== Hi Kuulei and Frank, From time to time my organization, Community Communications, offers free communication consulting/coaching for significant/important community projects. (Read about me)* The Sunday article about the persistent disheartening problems you've been having with Maverick and the Hanapepe slat flat prompts me to write. As you've discovered, it's usually uncomfortable and extremely difficult to have a mutually satisfying conversation with mainlanders using the way you learned to communicate (the communication model taught-used here on the islands).** It's virtually impossible to have a mutually satisfying conversation with Maverick-type business people, specifically, to have them recreate your point of view. What I have found to be true is that a problem persists because there's something inaccurate about the way it's being defined/described. What will work is a truth you, and they, haven't verbally communicated yet; it's always about intention. I write because silence is tantamount to thwarting you. The premise: If one sees another about to walk into a wall the responsible thing to do is to warn them; thereafter it's their choice. Frank and Kuulei, I don't have any sense that you will win with Maverick. You and yours are going to have to think differently, using some new words, if you wish to cause them to see, and respect, your point of view. Typically, locals don't seek out haole consultants; historically locals have become stuck as blaming "victims." I.e. None against the TMT (Thirty Meter Telescope) have acknowledged that their combined leadership-communication skills cause the outcomes they have been producing; it appears they are more interested in losing and in recreating/maintaining the legend of "victim." — "Look what they did, and are still doing, to us?" Ouch! Not to worry. Even if everything you've read here so far has triggered upsets and denial, it will still affect the outcome positively. BTW: Most pilots are former military (warriors) from the mainland; they have become stuck using what's referred to as the Adversarial Communication Model (characterized by winning at another's expense, trash-talking, and irresponsible blaming). Pilots, and the people with Maverick, have a different set of values. Every helicopter pilot knows, with absolute certainty, that their chosen profession disturbs the serenity of us below; it's referred to as premeditated abuse, for which there are always undesirable consequences. Few pilots are conscious enough to acknowledge the possible correlation between the large number of air crashes here in the islands and the karma of disrespecting ones neighbors. The premise: "Accidents" are how we remind ourselves to restore our integrity. I'm offering a free 3-hr coaching session for you and your supporters (any day or evening) —if there are more than five supporters we should allow six-hours, if more than ten, 12-hrs (9:00am - 9:00pm), also free. Together we will become clear as to our intentions so that our communications are consistent with the results we say we want. The format of the session will be similar to that of Ho'oponopono. I would be honored if you accepted my invitation. With aloha, Kerry P.S. If my offer isn't something you want to do I suggest that you both do The Clearing Process for Professionals < https://www.comcom121.org/proclearing/index.htm > — and then do the Clearing Process for Couples < https://www.comcom121.org/clearing/couple.htm > —the processes are about restoring and maintaining ones integrity; the premise being, our integrity affects all outcomes, especially the consequences of a lifetime of unacknowledged, often unconscious, or "forgotten" perpetrations (thefts, deceits, lies, and abuses). If you lose we don't want it to be a consequence of, the karma of, a lie you told when you were ten, one that you have never acknowledged (admitted) to anyone. The mind likes to believe it got away with the seemingly insignificant white lies, yet it still doesn't consistently produce joy and happiness. P.P.S. Feel free to pass this around. * This octogenarian was born and raised in New England, home of the self-righteous missionaries that came to the island to change its "heathen" ways. As a career military officer I was med-evaced to Hawaii after being wounded in Vietnam. Since then I've been studying communication. I began teaching Speech-Communication part-time at the University of Hawaii but discovered that I didn't have the leadership-communication skills to transform the speech-communication department's curriculum for education majors.** After I graduated, with both a B.A. and an M.A. degree in Speech-Communication (intercultural, interpersonal, intrapersonal), with an outrageous addiction of self-righteousness, I created a career as a Leadership-Relationship Communication-Skills Coach — 44+ years with zero advertising (all clients through referrals) read References. ** For several decades now, to this very day, 25% of Hawaii's college freshman require remedial comprehension and composition courses to learn what their K-12 teachers failed to communicate. Note: Education majors at all universities/colleges are only introduced to the principles and fundamentals of communication, mastery is up to them after they leave school—when they practice on others (but without coaching). In other words, we've all mastered talking, few continue on with the communication mastery curriculum. The majority of clients report that a coaching session transforms their experience of communication.
Need help creating definitive definition of the word abuse
February 01, 2009, 01:10:57 AM by Kerry
"All energy and money spent on preventing, eliminating, reducing, or controlling abuse is to no avail until we agree on its definition." Kerry, from the Spouse Abuse Tutorial.*
Presently there is no accepted definition of the word abuse. Parents, teachers, even judges have no reference to use as the authoritative definitive definition. There are many reasons why no one, no organization, no committee, no authority has defined abuse. One reason is because of the many belief systems. In some cultures it's acceptable to cut the tip off of a boy's penis (circumcision--thereby denying the boy certain pleasures, for life); the child cries with pain and onlookers applaud and reaffirm their reasons for the procedure. Communications/actions that are in-integrity require no reasons, explanations, or justifications. Examples of abuse:
Please add your thoughts and edits to the following definition: Quote * Here's the definition of the word abuse that we'll be using throughout the tutorial. Communicate: You cannot not communicate. It's mostly our unconscious nonverbal communications that cause the damage. It's the silent waves of disrespect, condescension, self-righteous judgementalness, and unhappiness, that emanate from us that invalidates another. It pierces their soul and hurts them. Read Potential Rumor: Local Health Care Orgs Commit to Defining Abuse. Last edited 8/7/22
Blog Instructions:
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January 02, 2009, 01:53:46 AM by Kerry
I use this blog to empty my mind of reoccurring thoughts, ideas, and B.S.. Whenever I think about writing a book I jot down thoughts about it here; emptying my mind usually completes it for me. --Kerry
Feel free to register and post a new topic or reply to, or comment about, an existing post. 1) To post or reply press the Register button. 2) Select a User Name and Password of your choice. 3) Enter a valid email address to receive the activation email. 4) Within 24 hours of submitting your registration you'll receive an email asking you to click a registration activation hyperlink in the email. 5) You'll receive another email saying that your free account (no fees ever) has been activated. 6) Usually you'll be able to post/reply within a few minutes. An alias username is fine. Posts/replies with URLs/links to other websites will be removed by the moderator. With Aloha, Kerry Last edited 2/13/24
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