I am a 77-year-old educator, a graduate of several boy's schools and orphanages. I've served in both the Navy and the Army with thousands of accomplished drinkers; I have yet to receive a phone call from an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) member to make amends (to acknowledge an incomplete they had/have with me).
Based on this survey of one I say that AA's Twelve Steps are not as effective as they could be.
For example:
Step 8 of 12: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Clearly, there is a difference between being willing and doing. The mind can believe it's "willing" to acknowledge an abuse/perpetration but what completes an incomplete is the action, the follow-up, an intention to make such amends; in other words, Step 8 doesn't produce the benefits of a clearing such as The Clearing Process in which one acknowledges all of life's perpetrations/incompletes.
Another example: Step 9 of 12: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Step 9 reveals that the mind of a perpetrator simply doesn't intend—it doesn't look for, or search for, or create an opportunity to clean up a messy relationship. Most importantly, it doesn't take into account that the recipient of the abuse or perpetration most likely is still incomplete about the breakdown in communication.
For certain, the realization one has about the effects they've had on others produces immediate value; the acknowledgment is truly experiential. However, without action it doesn't produce the results possible from restoring and maintaining one integrity, from completing ones incompletes.
Both Steps are missing the element of service, of completing/acknowledging another.Re: "Made a list of all persons we had harmed . . ." The use of the word "we" reveals a misunderstanding about the word responsibility. Stated responsibly it would read: "I made a list of all the persons I harmed . . ." The "we" mind usually tells the story, ". . . and then she got pregnant" rather than, "I impregnated her." Or, "I manipulated him into impregnating me."
It's understood that an AA member intends to continue to be an alcoholic, day after day, after day for life. The mantra, the affirmation, "I am an alcoholic" continually produces that intention. The problem is that it's not a now statement; its tense is incorrect. It contains an implied lie for which there are undesirable consequences. It implies, [I am at this very moment and always will be an alcoholic. It's impossible to complete my experience of addiction so as to be able to choose to drink socially and responsibly]. A truthful, in present-time, statement would be, "I have been an alcoholic and am not now [right this very second] being one."
Just as it's possible to complete ones addiction to knee-jerk verbal abuse (to abusing or being abused) so too is it possible to intend to complete ones addiction to alcohol so as to be able to choose to drink socially and responsibly.
