Teen Forum

I witnessed a theft and told a teacher, who promptly informed the cops. I feel terrible about it—like I’ve betrayed the friend who did it. What should I do? WONDERING IN FLORIDA

Two weeks ago, I walked in on my 17-year-old daughter having sex with her boyfriend, "Justin." They will both be 18 in two months. They are good kids and plan on going to college together next year. I knew it would be pointless to lecture them, because as you so wisely said in your column a while back, once teens begin to have sex, it’s almost impossible to get them to stop.
I took my daughter to the gynecologist and had her put on birth control pills. I also discussed with her the importance of safe and responsible sex. My daughter was grateful that I was not judgmental or angry.

Here’s the problem. I frequently speak to Justin’s parents, and they have let me know they don’t want their son to become sexually active until he is married. I am convinced if they knew what was going on, they would demand that Justin stop seeing my daughter, or they might insist the two of them get married right away. Neither solution seems "sensible" to me.

Justin’s parents question me often about where the kids have been and what I think they might have been up to. I am having a very difficult time keeping my mouth shut. Should I tell his parents they are having sex? I would appreciate your input. UP AGAINST IT IN IOWA

I can't stand my 10-year-old daughter. I was an 18-year-old single mother when she was born. I find her ugly and annoying. Everyone tells me how "sweet" and "pretty" she is, but I can't see it. I dread when she comes home from school. I am not physically abusive to her—I would never do that. But I can be verbally abusive, and I know I need to stop. She just makes me so mad. I am now married with two more kids (boys), and I adore them. What's wrong with me? How can I fix this? I'm afraid it's too late. I have no spiritual adviser to talk to, and I can't afford to speak to a professional counselor. —ANONYMOUS IN WASHINGTON STATE

I'm a 14-year old girl. My problem is my mother and the nonstop fights we've been having lately. I'm trying hard to do all the right things—keep my grades up, maintain my friendships—and maybe find nice boyfriends. Through it all, I've tried to make Mom my No. 1 priority.

My father left us, and Mom has done everything for my brother, sister and me. Even when she only had had 20 bucks in her pocket, she still kept us in our house with food on the table. What's hardest for me right now is that I can't do what other kids my age can—or go where they go—because of lack of money.

I have been reading my Bible every day and praying for my family—even for my dad. But I can't seem to make Mom happy no matter how hard I try. She yells at me every time I turn around. I need some of your best advice. You can't imagine how great it would be for me to hear something positive from Mom for a change. Thanks for listening. —TROUBLE WITH MOTHER

My friend, "Zoe," and I are both 16. We met this past year. On one of our first nights hanging out together outside of school, Zoe confessed that she had been severely sexually abused by her father from the time she was 4 until she was 13. She said she finally told her mom and it was "all worked out." I told Zoe I'd be there for her if she needed to talk. Recently, she confessed that when she said it was over, it really wasn't, but she swears it is now. Her mom isn't divorcing her dad or calling the police or anything. Furthermore, Zoe has a brother who is a few years older and leads a messed-up life. She thinks he was abused, too, but she isn't sure. Annie, I don't know what to do. Zoe made me promise not to tell anyone, but I feel my priority as a friend is to do what is best for her well-being. Unfortunately, I don't know what that is. If I tell the police, I'm not sure she will admit the abuse, in an effort to protect her father. But if I don't say anything he is likely to keep abusing her. Please help. —Concerned in California