Frequently Asked Questions (click question to see answer)

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Q: Is there a trick to being comfortable with teachers?

A: Yes. You must develop the ability to communicate from your experience. You must be willing to tell the truth.

For example:

You to a teacher: "I, ah, I um, I'm uncomfortable. I'm afraid you'll think I'm a jerk for asking this question, but...." or, "I feel badly because I didn't do all of my homework, but I have a question...."

Once you've communicated your specific fear, the fear disappears. and what's left is space for communication to take place. It's an incredibly simple trick.

Communicating from your experience can be scary because you have to choose to not be cool. You must be willing to come across as a dork.  What happens is you will disappear the uncomfortableness—for life. If you try and talk above the fear, pretending that you are not uncomfortable, you will cause the fear to persist in all such similar situations (with parents, managers, police, and other adults in authority). Most adults (parents) are still intimidated in front of teachers because they didn't know this trick.

Here's another example:

Q: I read something and two minutes later I can't remember what I read. Is there a fix for this problem?

A: Yes. There are two fixes. A quick fix and a permanent fix.

Read this first (About Barriers to Comprehension)

Quick Fix: With this fix you must use it every time you start to read, study for an exam, go for a job interview, or ask someone out for a date. It works incredibly well.

Permanent Fix: This fix requires a life-time commitment to operating from integrity (telling the truth, keeping agreements, zero thoughts withheld).

Q: How can I tell if someone is lying to me?

A: If you operate from integrity then you can tell something is wrong, something, a lie or a withhold is in the space. They may be lying to you or they may have just lied to another (perhaps to their mother), you'll experience it. It's in their aura. You'll know to trust that the person is either telling the truth or they are not, rather than blindly believing their words.

  • To "operate from integrity" means that you communicate openly, honestly, and spontaneously with your parents, friends, and loved ones. Zero thoughts withheld, all withholds, perpetrations, and acknowledgments communicated verbally.
  • Here's a free mini tutorial About Lies and Lying.

Q: My mother is always breaking her word with me. She says she'll do something and then comes up with an excuse to not do it. Is there a way to stop her from doing this?

A: Nope. There is nothing you can do or say. You don't have permission to handle her case, she has not asked you to support her in keeping agreements, in telling the truth. It doesn't work to try and change someone without their permission. Most importantly, you don't have the leadership-communication skills to teach another how to communicate. Her lies have not cost her enough yet for her to want to stop.

Your mom is addicted to lying which is as difficult to overcome as is an addiction to alcohol. She would have to engage the services of a communicologist who would support her in creating a context for her to begin telling the truth. And that's just the beginning. She would then have to join a support group and give all members permission to support her in keeping agreements, in telling the truth.  Lying is abusive.

Here's more about abuse.

What you can do is to communicate each time she doesn't keep her word, "That doesn't feel good."

Better still, learn how to create agreements. You only create the illusion of an agreement. Given that she's still stuck in childhood, (children lie and adults know that they must lie so as to discover how lies work), it's unethical of you to co-create an agreement with a child because you know as a child she can't be trusted yet to keep her word consistently. It could be said that you keep setting it up for a child to fail so that you get to be right that she's immature.

Q: My mom says she's going to volunteer to be a chaperon at my prom. It would ruin my prom. How can I get her to change my mind?

A: The problem is not what you say it is. You're not dealing with the source of the problem. If you have already communicated verbally how you feel and all your thoughts about it to her, then it's possible to produce your desired result.

My sense is that you have yet to learn how to intend what another is communicating. You are resisting her communication as opposed to getting it as a consideration.

If you don't have open and honest communication with your mother then the answer will take much more room than we have here. I suspect you haven't told her the truth as to why you don't want her watching you in action. Please ask your question on the Teen Forum (click "NEWTOPIC").

Q: I'm getting pressure from my boyfriend to have sex. I need some advice.

A: You'll get value from reading a similar request a teenage girl wrote to Dear Abby to which Dear Gabby replied also.

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