The Acknowledgment Process...

What is the Acknowledgment Process?

The acknowledgement process is a 1 - 3 hour communication exercise.

The acknowledgment process supports a person in being whole and complete. It restores/creates an experience of integrity in an individual, and in the relationship with the partner with whom you do the process.

I can be done with a relative, loved one, or friend.

Preparations:

Print these instructions and have them in your lap when it's your turn to ask the question.

• Make a drug-free three-hour date with your partner.
• Turn the phone bell off and ensure no incoming message can be heard.
• Arrange two straight-backed chairs opposite each other.
• Place a note on the outside door asking visitors to come back in three hours. (the process only takes 30 minutes but the conversations that generate from it are extremely engaging)
• Have a timer, or place a watch nearby on a third chair or table so that you can see the time without distracting your partner.
• Read this page at least three times.

You reading this now will be the facilitator and designate yourself as "A." Your partner will be "B."

Have your partner sit with their feet flat on the floor, hands on their thighs, and their butt as far back into the chair as possible.

Then you sit directly opposite them, bringing your chair as close as possible. It's best if one has their knees inside the others but without touching the partner.

Begin

Look directly into your partner's eyes. Sit silently looking into your partner's eyes until the nervous laughter has disappeared.

A: Look into your partners eyes and ask:

For what in your life would you like to be acknowledged?

Note: It's best if you don't help them by explaining what the word acknowledge means. Let them discover that they do in fact know by repeating the question until they come up something.

B: Shares verbally whatever comes to his/her mind.

Some examples: 

I'd like to be acknowledged for being neat
I'd like to be acknowledged for being healthy.
I'd like to be acknowledged for giving up smoking.
...for cheating on my SAT exam.
...for keeping my car in good condition.
...for sexual fantasies that don't include you.
...for yelling at you yesterday.
...for lying to my father in high school.
...for stealing comic books when I was 12.
...for thinking about divorcing you and not telling you.
...for lying to your mother, telling her I liked her cake.
...Nothing comes up.
Complete silence, or a mental block, is as valuable as any response. It just means that there is layer of unconsciousness, covering up that which needs acknowledging, in which case, after a few seconds A asks the question again, and again, until something pops up.

A: Responds with, "Thank you. I got  that. Is there anything else about that?"

For example:

A: For what in your life would you like to be acknowledged?
B: I'd like to be acknowledged for being overweight.
A: Thank you. I got that. Is there anything else about that?
B: Yes. I haven't been working out as much as I've led you to believe.
A: Thank you. I got that. Is there anything else about that?
B: Yes. I don't like to work out.
A: Thank you. I got that. Is there anything else about that?
B: No.
A: Thank you. For what in your life would you like to be acknowledged?

If say, B replies, "Nothing comes up."  A says, "Thank you. I got that. For what in your life would you like to be acknowledged."  B, "Still nothing."  A, "Thank you. I got that. For what in your life would you like to be acknowledged?"

Do this for fifteen minutes. Then exchange roles.

Each partner takes a 15 minute turn. It's recommended that you end each 15 minute session with something to be acknowledged, rather than with a, "Nothing comes up."

Notes:

1) Our Communication-Skills Workshop Facilitator Trainees spend about sixty (60) hours doing this process. There are thousands of things in your life (both good and bad) for which you have not been acknowledged.

2) When it's your turn to be, to just get another's communications, it's essential that you do not put anything in the space, that you do not add anything, a smile, a nod, or a facial expression. Also, that you have both hands on your thighs and sitting up straight. No additional comments except, "Please repeat." or "I didn't get that, please repeat it." If your partner nods or smiles when you are sharing, say, "You're adding something." and continue. Do this every single time you see it or you will train your partner to not get you.

3) You will notice a lightness and an actual change in your appearance upon completion, so much weight will have been lifted.

4) Done as instructed the process creates space for the experience of love, even between those intent on divorce, however, the process is not meant to change one's mind about a decision to divorce. It will support a harmonious, supportive divorce.

5) You may find yourself withholding/hiding certain thoughts the first time you do the process. That is OK. You'll know intuitively and experientially when your partner is communicating openly and honestly. Communication, also referred to as "true communication," always results in an experience of love.

For more about this subject check out The Clearing Process

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